Column: Cruise ships make me nervous

Owning a weekly newspaper makes it difficult to take a more extended vacation, and it has been years since I’ve taken more than three or four days off.

I’m certainly not complaining because I have had a lot of jobs that I have hated, and I really enjoy what I do. Sometimes, I wish I could get a lovely two-week holiday where I get to spend a little time traveling and a lot of time sitting around at the house, not doing much of anything.

When I think about where I would like to go, I always have Hawaii near the top of my list, which I hope will happen sooner or later. I also don’t mind spending quite a bit of time in Las Vegas. It allows me to visit with friends and family, and I can also go to concerts, watch a live UFC fight, and spend a bit of time losing money at the Blackjack table.

I have quite a few friends who swear by cruises, but this does not interest me at all. Perhaps when I was in my 20s, I might not have minded spending a week on a ship, but the older I get, it sounds like a nightmare.

One of my most significant issues about taking a cruise is being confined on a ship with a plethora of strangers.

This would not have been an issue a decade ago, but the older I get, I don’t like to be around people I don’t know, and I feel that on a cruise, I could not escape them.

There are certainly going to be a lot of tourists in Vegas or Hawaii, but I would have the ability to get away from the madness if I needed to. On a cruise, I feel as if I would be so overwhelmed that I would spend far too much time in my cabin, which would probably be the size of a walnut shell because I could not afford anything too extravagant.

Some people enjoy banter and meeting new people, but when I’m on vacation, I want to be surrounded by my crew of people. I can visit a house or make a day trip to the desert; I wouldn’t have that option on a cruise ship.

Crowds frighten me, and a cruise seems like it would be worse because there is nowhere to escape.

It would be ideal to rent a house with a pool, and I can spend hours outside with my small crew without a care in the world.

I wouldn’t say I like spending that many hours outside surrounded by strangers.

I’m not a massive fan of shopping but I have heard that many cruises are like floating malls. That would be far from ideal. If I’m spending money on a cruise, I will not have much extra to pay, so residing in a floating mall is not my idea of fun.

I have no problem knocking back a few drinks, but I’ve heard some horror stories about how wild people can get on a cruise, and that is not something I want the family to see daily.

With a set weekly schedule of deadlines, I would not appreciate the schedule of excursions on a ship. When I’m on vacation, I like to do things on my schedule and don’t want anyone telling me when and how long I can go somewhere.

This might sound ridiculous, but pirates also make me nervous, and I would probably be scared the entire time the boat would get raided.

Maybe I can get out of town in a few months for a nice vacation. Perhaps someone could persuade me with some beautiful stories about a cruise, but with my luck, I’d get stuck out at sea for two weeks and could not get the paper out. Or I’d see those pesky pirates, Arrr.